Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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