I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
