He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
