In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
