Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
