What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
