so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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