There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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