I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize