As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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