I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I pour the whiskey from now on
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
