he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
