if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
