I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize