I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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