dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
