just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
