Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize