You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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