I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
