so that wasnt chicken after all
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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