it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
