It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize