SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
