But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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