As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
