So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
