So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
