im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
