i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
