i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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