We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
