There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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