The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize