i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
