1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
