whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
