At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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