I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
