I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You were trust falling into bushes
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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