hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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