Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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