yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
