I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
