i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
