I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
