can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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