I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
