Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
