"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
