Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
