Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Randomize
