My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
