I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
