You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
BRING THE BAGELS
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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