Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
