The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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