Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
