I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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