there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize