a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
