You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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