Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I puked a lego.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
