Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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