batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
