You just made me feel so damn special
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
