sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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