I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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