just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Buhtt sex?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
