So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize