Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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