my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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