My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
