Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
