You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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