this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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