yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
