i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
